I’ve been doing a lot of deep inner work lately and it’s started me thinking about what the word “purpose” means to me. The spiritual growth community makes a lot out of the word, “purpose”. It’s all about “living your purpose”, and I agree! It’s just that what I’ve discovered is we all share the same primary purpose, and that is to awaken, which is a lifelong process. We begin a journey of spiritual awakening meant to lead us to wholeness, happiness and unity consciousness. None of this happens overnight and real growth; real change takes time, patience and commitment. It’s been liberating to come to the realization that my purpose in life is not to write books or anything else for that matter. My purpose is the commitment to my spiritual journey of awakening, and trusting in that process to lead me where I am meant to go. And I can rejoice in this epiphany because I live my purpose of awakening every day with a full on passionate commitment. Even through all the pain, heartbreak and suffering I must face from an abusive childhood, my commitment never wavers. I do my inner work, and I watch and work as I transform. Happiness cannot be sought but freedom from unhappiness is attainable by living from our primary purpose of spiritual awakening.
What goes hand in hand with this belief about our primary purpose is that we all have a spiritual calling, our passion place and soul’s expression. And if we are lucky enough in this life to actualize on it, it joins with our primary purpose of awakening and brings us into a unique frequency of Divine love. Someday I hope to live on purpose and from my soul’s expression of writing books. To do this I must face and let go of a lot of really old pain, learn to meet my dependency needs and hold the space of self-worth and unconditional love on my own.
And then there are things like jealousies, possessiveness, attachment, expectations, desires that all need to be let go of too with the full on realization that I’m human. And as a human being I’m perfectly imperfect, as are we all. I’m going to make mistakes, fall down, run some old patterns and maybe even reenact a few childhood traumas by creating a current situation that mirrors them. And that is all okay.
A big part of my healing journey has been getting past the voice of the persecutor/blamer in my head. It’s very hard to love yourself fully when you are beating yourself up all the time. I’ve learned to bring great awareness to when that voice wants to take over in me, and I redirect it. First I acknowledge its presence, and then I make a conscious choice, not to put any energy in that voice. Instead I’ve learned techniques to turn my attention to my higher self. Because that is the voice of truth and the one I want to listen to with my whole heart. And this is all a part of my unique spiritual journey of awakening. And as long as I’m doing my inner work, committed to my primary spiritual purpose, I am “living on purpose” and that is a celebration indeed.
Love and Blessings,
Recently I decided to undergo a past-life exploration (through regression), in an attempt to root out any past life issue that might have been influencing the pattern of persecution (bullying) I’ve experienced in this life.
My guide for this journey into the deep inner recesses of my mind would be one of my Spiritual Coaches, Shaeri Richards. I’ve been working with Shaeri for quite some time now, discovering the different parts of my inner child, and learning to release old pain so that I could come to fully love myself and the wounded child inside.
Shaeri is a gifted hypnotherapist and healer. In our sessions she guides me down a well-lit flight of stairs, into the subconscious mind (under hypnosis) to meet which ever parts want to come in and share. Now, I could write a book about all of the different “inner children” I’ve discovered and how I’ve come to heal and integrate them, but this article is about a past life regression.
The night before this past-life therapy session would take place, I had a very interesting dream. In the dream I was a young teenager. I was standing in front of a large glass display case in a store. Inside the case were dozens of bracelets. Anyone who knows me (in this life), understands just how much I love my bracelets and I don’t go a day without wearing them.
Well in the dream, I didn’t have much money so I saw many bracelets that I wanted but could not afford. Suddenly I came upon a pretty bracelet that had a simple black band with a large colorful square in the center. When I got the bracelet in my hand, I could see that the colorful square was a hologram. The first image I saw in the square was of a young girl dancing happily in a peasant dress (of old). She appeared to be in a wooded area with many trees. When I moved the square toward me the image shifted and I felt great fear and saw the word, “Witches” flash. I immediately woke up from the fear and knew somehow this was going to relate to my upcoming past-life session.
Now as Shaeri would begin this past-life journey through hypnosis, she had me go down a different set of stairs then in my regular sessions. This one was beside a river that took me to a boat that would take me back through time. When I arrived at my destination I was a young peasant girl living centuries ago in a pagan village. I was carrying a basket of fresh vegetables and flowers bringing them back to the wise women of the tribe. I felt deep happiness and contentment.
I went to an area with a large wooden table around which sat only women, all mothers busily working to prepare a meal. I excitedly shared with them what I had brought back and they listened attentively with smiles and laughter as I told them of my explorations that day. I felt deeply loved. I discovered my name was Santorina.
That evening something strange happened. The men of the village were meeting in private, something they had never done before. The women in our village were revered and no decisions about the tribe were ever made without their counsel. What could be causing this strange event, I thought. Something just didn’t feel right.
The next day as I was walking alone, some of the men from our village took me to a clearing in the woods. They handed me over to a group of roman soldiers who bound and gagged me. I was terrified and in disbelief. The soldiers took me away to their camp. They taunted me, called me cruel names and said I was a demon in human clothing, a witch. They said they were going to punish me for being evil.
As they began to rope me to a stake, I could see my Spirit guides surrounding me. They were pulling the energy of fear away from me with their hands and moving it upward into the heavens. They were protecting me so that I would not re-experience the pain of the event that would follow and the way in which they would take my young life by burning me at the stake.
You may be asking yourself at this point, why I would want to remember this past-life incident. I feel strongly that God sent me to experience the story of Santorina so that I could re-write it and change my life. I had been shown the source point that would be the beginning of a deep feeling of powerlessness against the persecutor and one that I carried into this life.
It’s important to understand that the men of the village made a decision to hand Santorina over to the soldiers without any input from the women. They had made a deal with the soldiers that if they sacrificed one of their young, the rest of the women and female children would be spared. They thought they were doing the right thing and protecting the tribe.
When the women of the village found out what the men had done they began walling and throwing themselves onto the ground. Hatred was born in the village that day and the men would come to regret their decision and suffer in shame. The women would never forgive them.
You see the men thought they were sparing the women by not involving them. But they had left out the one thing that would ultimately be able to save the village and its people. They left out the fierce and powerful protective nature of a mother’s love for her children. And by doing so they had left out the Goddess herself.
The healing of this past-life regression began as I re-wrote the story. It all starts with the men making a decision to go directly to the wise women of the village for counsel and to the Goddess. They are empowered as they feel the fierce depths of the love of the protective mother, the Goddess; arise in these women who declare that they will let no one hurt their children, and would rather die protecting them, then giving any of them over to the soldiers for their hatred.
Together the men and the women ask the Goddess for guidance and direction. She instructs them to send the women away with the children into the night to take them to another land where the soldiers cannot find them. They trust in the Goddess to shine the path in the moonlight, and that she will protect them and lead the way. A few of their strongest men will go with them but most will stay behind and fight the soldiers in the name of love for their women and children, buying them time to escape. All of the men who stayed behind died that day safe in the knowledge that they did not bring shame upon their people and future generations.
The women and children will make a long journey crossing mountains and seas to a crescent shaped island where they will start a beautiful new life in a seaside village beneath a volcano. This volcano would be named Santorina and came to represent the fiery passion and fierce unending love of the Goddess for her children. They would live in peaceful love for the rest of their days.
As I re-wrote the story I felt the fierce and powerful depths of the mother’s love inside of me rising. There I found the source of my power now, in the Goddess Divine who lives inside of me and us all.
What started out as a journey into the pain from a past life, ended up a fantastic empowering and healing present life experience! If you would like to learn more about Shaeri Richards, please visit her webpage, http://dancingwithyourdragon.com/ .
Namaste and Blessings,